How to get through what you are going through~

One year ago, December 2020, was the worst month of my life. I never imagined my mind, soul and body could feel so unhealthy and unbalanced. While the world was suffering from Covid-19 my husband divorced me, my 16 year old niece killed herself and my mentor of 10 years at my Ft. Lauderdale church suddenly died of cancer. My safe, happy world shattered in so many different ways. I was overwhelmed with an unknown force of horrible trauma and heart stabbing grief.

Jesus says “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). James 1 says to Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you encounter trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4 Allow perseverance to finish its work, so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 Now if any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith. WOW. We are promised trials and tribulations and suffering in this life. Satan is the author of confusion, sorrow, sickness and pain. Jesus warned us satan intends to destroy lives, marriages, relationships and our faith if we allow him. He said "the thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come to give you a more abundant life." (John 10:10) So I prayed. I prayed for God's help, I prayed for wisdom, I prayed for time to reverse. I prayed to get through this awful time. I prayed for God to give me the desire to live. I prayed for comfort. I prayed for peace. I prayed for Jesus to return soon.

I was completely overwhelmed but knew where to turn, to my church family and to God’s Word to find my way. My Calvary Chapel Vero Beach church became my world again-I had gone to my husband’s church with him for a while. I reached out for counseling at Calvary Chapel with the marriage pastor (my husband would not go with me there) and Pastor told me what the Word said about our situation. How we were to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2) and wives respect your husband (Ephesians 5:33) and husbands love, cherish your wife as Christ loves and cherishes the church. (Ephesians 5:25) and to let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. (Ephesians 4:31-32) Pastor told me what the Word said about my niece and my mentor. That they will live and not die because they were sealed when they received Jesus Christ as their Lord. (Ephesians 4:30) I knew this but the pain was still so great. Great, overbearing pain-what does one do with it? How do I get through all of this trauma?

I received such great counsel at Calvary Chapel Vero Beach, my Bible teaching church and through mentors and counselors, Here are some helpful tips to help you go through what you may be going through. God bless you during this time. You will get through it as I have.

-Grieve, cry, scream, let out your emotions as they come. Praying, talking to God about every detail of the situation is necessary. Do not keep these emotions in. Journaling these thoughts and emotions is very helpful as well. Not to go back and re-read them but to get them out of your head. Remember the book of Job in the Bible? He went through more than any of us will- losing his health, his family, his home but God promises better times ahead and Job’s life was restored doubly what he lost!

-Practice stillness with God. Believe His presence is with you. Allow Him to love you, receive His love, His forgiveness, His help. Spend time with Him and He will speak to you in prayer and through His Word. Read Psalms and the New Testament.

-Attend church whenever the door is open! I attended the Women's Bible study, Sunday service and Thursday night Bible Study to be around people who loved me and loved Jesus. Their joy began seep through my skin:)

-Practice deep breathing; Ask yourself, “where am I?” Describe 5 things you can see, touch, feel, smell to take your mind off your grief.

-Exercise to get your blood flowing and create a more positive mood. Walking or riding a bicycle releases much needed endorphins to trigger positive feelings you need during this time.

-Stop fighting what you are trying to feel. Accept the negative feelings, acknowledge these feelings, again, write them down to get them from your head to the paper. You must go through the painful feelings and emotions, but remember you are going through them, you do not have to stay in them.

-Praise, Praise, Praise! Praise God for who He is even though you don't feel like praising. He inhabits the praises of His people His Word says in Psalm 22:3, and in His presence is the fullness of joy, at His right hand are pleasures evermore. (Psalm 16:11). Keep meditating on things you do have to be thankful for today!

-Read daily One Year Bible readings from www.Oneyearbibleonline.com or Calvary Chapel daily reading schedule or listen to faith-filled healthy programs on the Calvary Chapel Vero Beach App or on GoVictory.com or the Go Victory app. Keep your mind occupied with God’s thoughts and His Words, not what is playing in your head. We must TRUST God loves us and can and will help us through our grief. God honors our faith so keep believing HE will help you.

-Read He Holds My Hand devotional by Carol Kent, this was given to me and is an amazing, helpful read reminding us who God is through our difficult situation. Reading about God's goodness allowed me to visualize my niece jumping into the arms of Jesus! Her life never ended, she simply changed addresses to her heavenly Kingdom!

-Choose to forgive who has hurt or harmed you. Choose to forgive yourself. With God’s power and grace you can forgive, then let God handle it from there. But we must give it over to God and not hold on to unforgiveness or anger. It is not easy but Jesus said “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. (Matthew 11:28)

-Talk to a counselor, talk to mentors at church, call me if you need to! The worst place to be is in our own head, constantly running the story over again and again. Keep going through what you are going through, keep moving forward! I went to a Christian counselor and also an EMDR counselor and found both to be super helpful. EMDR stimulates both sides of our brain to be able to more quickly examine where our negative thoughts may originally come from in our past. Then the negative thoughts are replaced by the correct thoughts such as "I do matter, I am good enough, It is not my fault, I did my best, I am fine as I am, I did the best I could".

-Do the things you know to do-get up, stretch, read your Bible or morning devotional, exercise, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, do laundry, chores. Keep it simple at first.

-You are still under God’s protection, not your absent husband or close friend. Pray for those who have hurt or harmed you. Matthew 5:44- But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

-Intentionally choose not to focus on the problem but on Jesus, the perfect gift God has given you during this situation and each day! Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus. Be "needy" for Jesus only! Hebrews 12:1-2- Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.

-Repent of only what you are responsible for. Ask God to bring to mind the ways you may have been at fault in the situation and he will. We can only control our own behavior, no one else.

-Friends remember to just listen and be there for those who are hurting. Sometimes silence is better consolation than advice.

Dr. Caroline Leaf writes in Cleaning up your Mental Mess that we do not make our emotions a part of our identity, but face them head on.
1. Acknowledge that emotions, thoughts, trauma in past experiences are not our identity.
2. Accept that pain is non-negotiable when doing the work to heal. Tell yourself that it will end eventually, even if it doesn’t feel like it will in the moment.
3. Always remember that you’re never alone in this journey and that you deserve the love and support your loved ones give as you reach out and ask for help.
4. Remind yourself of past tough experiences you have overcome despite fear or uncertainty.
5. Keep in mind that this painful part won’t last forever, and the sooner you learn to embrace it, the sooner you will move through it.
6. And most exciting of all-as soon as you embrace it, the thought has weakened and is in the process of change-even if it doesn’t feel like it. Our nervous system and nonconscious change before we‘re conscious of this change and experiencing it in our life. Not embracing your feelings doesn’t make them go away. If they don’t come out, they’ll go into your body, cells, DNA and mind and will explode in volcanic mode at some point. She says we are to embrace, then process then reconceptualize.

God will help you get through what you are going through. It will take time but know that God can and will give us exceedingly and abundantly more than we ever could hope or imagine according to the Holy Spirit power living inside of us in our next season of life~ receive and believe this promise today!
(Ephesians 3:20)
Kate